If the voice in your head isn't being very nice... Stop letting them run the show!
- Andrea Murtagh
- Jun 30
- 4 min read
Sometimes the voice in your head is your own harshest critic - the things you say to yourself you wouldn't dream of saying to your best friend (or possibly even your worst enemy!) and yet, we allow that very same voice to make a lot of the decisions about our daily lives, the things we do or don't do day to day, and even the bigger decisions in life.
That little voice in your head is sometimes just not a very nice person, but that isn't you! Sometimes your internal narrator can get trapped in a loop of self-doubt, criticism, and worry. That internal chatter can shape how you see yourself, influence your decisions, and even affect your mental health. But you don’t have to let that negative voice run the show. You can learn to recognise it, challenge it, and take back control.
This post will guide you through practical steps to quiet that harsh inner critic and build a kinder, more supportive inner dialogue, like the way you might speak to a dear friend, or her to you. You’ll find clear examples and simple strategies to help you shift your mindset and improve your emotional well-being.
Understanding the Negative Voice in Your Head
Everyone has an inner voice. It’s a natural part of thinking and self-reflection. But sometimes, this voice becomes overly critical or harsh. It might say things like:
“You’re not good enough.”
“You always mess things up.”
“Nobody likes you.”
It often thinks it's a mind reader too, and decides what others are thinking, without ever stopping to ask them:
“You can't do that, they'll think your selfish”
“If I do that for myself, it wouldn't be fair to ask them to look after the kids”
“If I ask for help, they'll all laugh, or think I am stupid”
These thoughts can feel automatic and true, but they are often exaggerated or unhelpful. Psychologists call this the inner critic or negative self-talk. It often comes from past experiences, fears, or unrealistic expectations.
Recognising this voice is the first step. When you notice it, you can start to question whether what it says is really accurate or fair.
Why You Should Stop Letting the Negative Voice Control You
Letting negative self-talk dominate your mind can lead to:
Increased stress and anxiety
Lower self-esteem and confidence
Difficulty making decisions
Avoidance of challenges or new opportunities
Strained relationships due to self-doubt
On the other hand, learning to manage this voice helps you:
Feel more confident and calm
Make clearer, more positive choices
Build resilience against setbacks
Improve your overall happiness and mental health
Quiet moments help you notice and understand your inner voice.
How to Recognise When the Negative Voice is Taking Over
The negative voice often shows up in specific ways:
All-or-nothing thinking: Seeing things as completely good or bad, success or failure.
Catastrophizing: Expecting the worst possible outcome.
Personalising: Blaming yourself for things outside your control.
Mind reading: Assuming you know what others think about you, usually negatively.
Filtering: Ignoring positive experiences and focusing only on negatives.
Try to catch these patterns when they happen. Writing down your thoughts can help you see them more clearly.
Practical Steps to Stop the Negative Voice
1. Name the Voice
Give your negative voice a name or character. This helps you separate it from your true self. For example, call it “The Critic” or “The Doubter.” When you hear it, remind yourself it’s just one part of your mind, not the whole story.
2. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Ask yourself:
Is this thought really true?
What evidence do I have for and against it?
Am I jumping to conclusions?
Would I say this to a friend?
For example, if your voice says, “I always fail,” think about times you succeeded or learned something valuable.
3. Replace Negative Thoughts with Balanced Ones
Instead of trying to force positive thinking, aim for balanced thoughts. For example:
Negative: “I’m terrible at this.”
Balanced: “I’m still learning, and I can improve with practice.”
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. When the negative voice is loud, respond with gentle encouragement:
“It’s okay to make mistakes.”
“I’m doing my best.”
“I deserve patience and understanding.”
5. Use Mindfulness and Meditation
Mindfulness helps you observe your thoughts without judgment. Meditation can create space between you and your inner critic, making it easier to let negative thoughts pass without reacting. (Try this Unclutching Meditation to practice noticing and interupting your thoughts)
6. Limit Triggers
Notice what situations or people make your negative voice louder. It might be social media, stressful work, or certain relationships. Setting boundaries or reducing exposure can help.
7. Seek Support When Needed
Talking to a trusted friend, counselor, or therapist can provide perspective and tools to manage negative self-talk. You don’t have to do this alone.
Real-Life Example: Turning Down the Inner Critic
Sarah often thought, “I’m not good enough to apply for that job.” She named her negative voice “The Doubter.” Each time it spoke, she challenged it by listing her skills and past successes. She replaced “I can’t do this” with “I can prepare and try my best.” Over time, Sarah’s confidence grew, and she landed the job.
Building a Positive Inner Dialogue Over Time
Changing your inner voice takes practice. Here are some habits to build:
Daily affirmations: Write or say kind statements about yourself.
Gratitude journaling: Focus on what went well each day.
Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge progress, no matter how small.
Surround yourself with positivity: Spend time with supportive people and uplifting content.
When Negative Self-Talk Is More Serious
If your negative voice is persistent and linked to feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or thoughts of self-harm, seek professional help immediately. Mental health professionals can provide treatment and support tailored to your needs. You can talk to your GP or call LifeLine on 0808 808 800.
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